The Comparison Trap

We have all done it, compared ourselves to others, desiring to have more because what we think will make us happy is presently and perhaps painfully out of reach. We see what’s over the fence and in the process of using whatever means possible to jump the fence, we become dislocated and disconnected from our authentic selves.

Comparison takes many forms. It could be focusing on appearances, achievements, financial position, relationships, or education level.

There are two ways to look at how comparison functions. You will either be satisfied with yourself or not, using others and your surroundings to derive a superficial benchmark of aspiration.

1. Seeing oneself with a heightened sense of self-worth can form addictive attachments, constantly dependant on the external world of things.

Eg. The work place has given you promotion after promotion, you are flying on a high, your sense of self is identified of your achievements and accolades. Then one day, you are made redundant after an organisation restructure. Fear, Loss and devastation surface.  Your sense of self is derived from the loss of your achievements and accolades.

1. Seeing oneself as lessor than equates to self-worth fraught with heavy thoughts and emotions. Situations triggering non-acceptance continue to be negatively endured.

Eg. A successful person in your industry who has achieved a lot, created positive impact and is financially free causes you to react to your perceived lack. Identifying with someone’s else’s life and aspiring for their successes removes you from your authentic alignment and what life wants to uniquely create through you.

When comparison occurs, it contracts and diminishes. It divides and conquers. Long term, it can only lead to unhappiness and separation.

To leave comparison behind, be mindful when it arises. Discern the thoughts in your head creating the story.  Eg. I don’t feel successful. Why does everyone else have what they want and I don’t?

It begins the process of disentanglement. Find and acknowledge the emotion that accompanies the story. Is it hopelessness, anger, disappointment? Be with these emotions, even if it causes discomfort.

Through observing the emotions, space is created. Here lies the opportunity for deep understanding and dissolving of the false identity – the person who has accumulated labels and experiences on an outer level.

A direct experience of knowing, aliveness, and peace can permeate as resistance to painful emotions dissipates and dissolves.

Here are some examples of when comparison has given way to radiant peaceful self.

• Losing a job is met with neutrality and seen as an opportunity to expand into the unknown positively. If fear arises, then it is recognised as a function of the mind and another opportunity presents to dissolve and transform the negative energy.  Be present to it rather than reacting and fuelling it.

• Rather than comparing oneself to another’s accomplishments, Yu turn it into acceptance and appreciation. Understanding another’s experience prompts upliftment and resonance. Acknowledging the reflection and recognising the qualities and gifts already present within you.

• Nothing anyone can say or do can disconnect you from your peace, connection and knowing. It is stronger than any mind based belief which wants to separate and look for reassurance in the opinions of others or things.